One of the greatest relationship lessons I’ve learned comes from Vanessa Lapointe, a parenting and relationship whisperer, who teaches the importance of “the otherness of the other.” It’s a profound concept that boils down to this: Stop taking things personally.
So often, we absorb the behaviors of others—our partners, kids, parents—as if their actions are a reflection of us. We take on their frustrations, their challenges, and it feels personal. But the truth is, it’s not about you. It’s never about you. What if the things that upset you most in your relationships weren’t about your worth, but about the journey that other person is on?
Vanessa showed us though her parenting transformation journey, that when we stop taking it all personally, we can step back with compassion. We can see each other for who they are, without letting their struggles become our own. That’s when real connection happens. We become free to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally.
This is how my fiancé and I are building a better relationship—not by controlling the other person, but by understanding their otherness and focusing on how we respond. Because in Vanessa's wise words, at the end of the day, "it only takes one person to change a relationship for the better."
The quality of that relationship starts with you.
—Mark
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